Good evening my fellow Americans.First, I want to pass on my condolences to the people of New York and
Washington DC as well as to Americans that are hurting during this tragic time.
You can rest assured that anything and everything that can be done to assure the safety of our country will be done. This is the greatest country in the world and we will get through this trying time. Now is the time for all people to set aside our differences and show the world that no one or nothing can destroy the fortitude of the American people.
To the people responsible for today's tragedy, I say this:
Are you fucking kidding me? Are the turbans on your heads wrapped to damn tight?
Have you gone too long without a bath? Do you know who you're fucking with?
Americans are so hungry to kill that we shoot at each other every day. Look at me! When I was governor of Texas, I fried so many people you'd think I had a KFC franchise.
We relish the opportunity to use you as new targets for our aggression.
Have you forgotten history?
Remember those sneaky little bastards in Japan?
We bitch slapped them all over the Pacific, then roasted about 2 million of them in their own back yard.
That's what we Americans call a big ass barbecue.
Ever seen Texas on a map?
Ever wonder why it's so big?
Because we wanted it that way!
Mexico started dicking with the Alamo and where are they now?
Mowing our lawns, that's where they are!
England? Shit, we sent those pussies packing and then we kicked the ass of those limp-wristed Frenchies.
Next thing you know, were protecting all of them from the Nazis.
Hey, ask your buddy Saddam about fucking with the good 'ole USA.
The only reason he's alive today is because it's too hard to shoot someone when you're doubled over laughing. Our soldiers aren't trained to laugh and shoot at the same time.
We devastated his military might to the point that today he couldn't stop a pack of girl scouts from taking over his shitty little country.
Afghanistan is about to become a giant kitty litter box.
Go ahead and try to hide that chicken-shit, Bin Laden. There's not a hole deep enough or a mountain high enough that can keep your filthy, camel riding asses safe.
We'll bomb every inch of the country that harbors him, his camps, his friends, his friends' friends, his relatives, there friends and any damn place that looks or even smells like he was there. Hell, we might even drop a few bombs on some of the assholes that have pissed us off in the past.
We are Americans. We kick ass. This is what we do.
God Bless America!