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CREATIONISTS ANNOUNCE NEW THEORY OF GRAVITY ! by August Berkshire Today a spokesman for the Institute for Creative Research (I.C.R.), located in Fault Line, California, announced a new theory of gravity that contradicts traditional scientific explanations.
Dwayne Wish, head of the I.C.R., stated, "This is one of the most glorious days in the 6,000 year history of our universe. Finally, we have a theory of gravity that is just as sound as our theory of creation."
Wish went on to explain, "Most scientists think all forces such as gravity, electricity and magnetism originally came from a single, common force. They're currently searching in vain for a Grand Unification Theory. But there is no evidence of a common origin! They have never discovered any transitional forces! Where are the missing links?!
"Many scientists also believe gravity is caused by warped space or gravitons," Wish continued. "Has any scientist actually seen this? Was any scientist there when gravity first occurred? And yet they have the gall to claim gravity is part of nature! It is intellectually arrogant to assume gravity is a naturally occurring, rather than a supernaturally occurring phenomenon."
Asked what alternative the I.C.R. proposed, Wish smiled and said, "We're offering a much more plausible explanation for gravity: the Theory of Angelic Pressure. It should be obvious to any rational person that the universe is filled with invisible, undetectable angels who constantly push objects towards the Earth -- objects that would otherwise drift away!
"There is plenty of evidence for our theory," he continued. "For example, in spaceships objects float about randomly. They don't go toward each other unless at least one of them is pushed by an astronaut. This demonstrates that gravity works by design, not 'random chance'."
Asked what research the I.C.R. had done, Wish stated, "In Revelation 8:10 of the Holy Bible it says, 'And the third angel sounded, and there fell a great star from heaven...' This is a clear reference to the fact that angels are responsible for gravity! In addition, many pagan books, such as the Koran and the Book of Mormon, are also filled with references to angels."
Wish went on to explain that although the Theory of Angelic Pressure is supported by the Bible, it is in no way based on it. "That¹s just a coincidence," he declared.
"Our theory of gravity cannot be disproven, so it should be taught in public schools," Wish continued. "Not to teach it is tantamount to censorship! Moreover, forcing students to believe a secular model of gravity is a violation of academic freedom and freedom of religion! Traditional scientists blithely ignore the axiom that all theories are equally valid."
When it was suggested there might be other equally valid theories, perhaps from other religions, that would explain gravity, Wish vehemently responded, "We have already discredited the 'other model' of gravity. It's obvious our Theory of Angelic Pressure is the only possible alternative.
"In fairness, students should be allowed equal time to hear our theory. Both models of gravity should be presented, then students can make up their own minds. At the very least, someone should take a public opinion poll to see if our theory is popular."
Wish explained that the I.C.R. was establishing a special division to further investigate their theory of gravity. "It's going to be called the Center for Research on Angelic Pressure," he said. "C.R.A.P."
-------------------- "Rarely has it been so clear how much we, the ordinary people of this country, are better than our rulers. I hope that lesson is not lost on anyone, of any political persuasion." Posts: 520 | From: Shakopee, MN USA | Registered: May 2002
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