This was the most pretentious movie I've ever seen...it was basically saying, "you should accept and like everything because it's got 'Boondock' and 'Saints' in the title." It felt like they didn't even work all that hard at being good, it was just a foregone conclusion that it would be a success like the original.
First things first, the main character, Connor (Sean Patrick Flanery) has had such terrible plastic surgery over the last 10 years that it is embarrassing. I was more distracted and bothered by that almost more than anything else in this film. Not to sound overly gay, but he made the first movie, and his acting and facial expressions were great. Okay that sounded a little gay, but I hope you know what I mean...and if you've seen this movie you know exactly what I'm talking about. He looks like a totally different person. To the point where people thought he was replaced when the movie trailers came out. You know it's bad when Norman Reedus looks good compared to your messed up face. Google search for "
Sean Patrick Flanery Plastic Surgery" = lots of results) Damn shame.
So let's talk about the characters. I think it's important to mention that Rocco was loud, obnoxious but quite awesome in the first one. Great sidekick, had a good backstory, was used very well as a supplemental character in the story, and you felt a connection to him, felt the connection between him and the brothers and felt a sense of loss when he died. He's replaced by Romeo, this terribly stereotypical Mexican guy who is replacing Rocco but without any of the things that made Rocco work. We don't care about Romeo, we don't know much of his story, we don't feel a connection to him, or between him & the brothers, and we could care less if he gets blasted. He's unfunny, and his comic relief felt like it needed a constant rimshot so we knew when to laugh. Just...horrid. The actor who plays Romeo is actually quite talented (see him in "Tigerland") but it was a horrendous inclusion in this flick. Everything about him was painful and annoying. A damn shame.
The original three detectives are back. And they're older, and looking rough. And my dear lord it's possibly the most difficult thing to watch 2 really bad actors working with 1 moderately bad actor. I mean jesus, if I was a fringe actor like these 3 are I would nail it when I got asked to reprise a role that I'm slightly known for. These guys stumbled through their lines, cursed, yelled, bonked heads, poked eyes...I kept waiting for one of them to go "Nyuk nyuk nyuk". Greenly was the only one with an ounce of entertainment (and he was one of the really bad actors) mainly because he had some substance. His little sexual banter with the FBI agent was decent, and when he came skating by in the dream sequence ("thanks for comin' out") I felt a twinge of sadness. Shame.
Speaking of that ice rink sequence...seriously? WTF was that? I can't say I disliked it, but it was just a completely out of place rant.
The new FBI agent isn't Paul Smecker (Willem DaFoe), and admit it, you miss his faggoty ass.
Instead it's this hottie with a southern accent who throws down such gems as, "I'm so smaart I maake smaart people feel retaarded." (That's me typing in a southern drawl). Oh my. She easily did the best acting in the movie, because we had to believe that she was out to the get the Saints and then ooh surprise. I didn't dislike her that much, but I didn't like her as much as I liked Willem DeFoe. Yes, I know he's gay and me saying I like a gay guy means I'm gay. Damn you are so funny! But she basically ripped off the Smecker routine 100%. With the headphones, and the gunfights going on around her as she's walking through them, and the cowboy hat...okay the cowboy hat could've been hot if I wasn't so pissed off at that point at the movie. Damn shame.
Il Duce is back and /yawn. There's a couple new villains, none of which are all that impressive. The short guy complex was embarrassing (boy "embarrassing seems to be the most frequently used word here...). Judd Nelson is the big bad guy, right? Oh wait, nope, there's a secret big bad guy. And Judd Nelson...wow, just terrible. The inclusion of some fat, weird, naked, mid-level gangster named "Handsome George" or something was just off the wall and even the appearance of old friends like Fuck-Ass the bartender just came across as cheesy. Damn shame. FUCK! ASS!
Okay, so on to the meat & potatoes of the Boondock Saints, the gunfights & witty dialog, right? Wrong. The gunfights were terrible. Slow motion has been overused to the point where it's commonplace in any movie where there is shooting. We're full circle now and it's NOT being used. I remember in the first one enjoying the fight sequences a lot. They were exciting, well shot and creative. Plus we were seeing the results
after the detectives were on scene and they were explaining how it all went down. Back then that was very cool. They try it in this one and just fall flat on their face. I don't know why, but perhaps it's because we've seen it before. The gunfights are honestly, quite boring compared to some of the other stuff we're seeing lately. Look at an action movie nowadays like "The Dark Knight" or "The Matrix" or "The Notebook" (Kyrillian's favorite) and you see well shot shooting sequences that in some cases (Matrix) slow down in the perfect/clever spots, or in other cases (Dark Knight) don't even need to slow down because that would distract from the frantic pace of the sequence. My point is: what made the original good and unique now comes across bland and boring. Poorly shot gunfights to music in slow motion.../yawn. Shame!
"But Boon!" You're saying, "Didn't you like anything???" Well as a matter of fact, I did! Il Duce's back story was good, and it ended up tying up all the loose ends but damn it took a while to get there. The appearance of an old friend at the end was nice, although the accents got a little funky in their conversation, but that was still cool. There were some good one-liners, and I laughed out loud when I heard Murphy say: "And here I am AGAIN all tyin' myself up with rope! What is the deal with you and rope? Honestly!" and then Connor says "It happens ta be a useful thing!" or when they give Romeo a tiny .22 and tell him that it builds character and he says "yeah, character of a little bitch" and Connor says "Now that's just unprofessional." Funny...but the second I'd start laughing I'd look at Connor's fucked up plastic surgery face and... what a damn shame.
I disliked way more than I liked. I mentioned in the begging of this novel of a review, you can always spot someone's "life's work". I guarantee that Troy Duffy watches this movie and is not proud of it. I'm sure he likes bits of it, but as a whole I doubt he loves everything about it. Definitely not his "life's work"...
And they left this one wide open for a sequel. Perhaps part 3 will redeem the series...after all, Boondock II made a whopping $2 million. I would like to see someone else take the reins on part 3 and really do a number on it. I hate to say "reboot", but after this pile of crap I'd say that's the only way to make this series good again. DAMN SHAME.
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